


say you won't let go

by i_dealized



Category: Chicago Med
Genre: Alternate Universe, Family, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Romance, The rest of the cast makes an appearance, but did I tag this right???
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-17 06:49:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11270214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_dealized/pseuds/i_dealized
Summary: She wishes this wasn’t happening now. She wishes she’d had the courage to do it before, or that he’d had the courage to do it before. Because if either of them had worked up the nerve, they wouldn’t be sharing their first kiss now, on her last night in Chicago.





	1. the night before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imagine a Chicago Med where, after Dr. Wheeler's death, Sarah took up the empty residency spot. Also, the Rhodes/Robin thing did not happen, and Sarah's suddenly leaving Chicago to deal with family back home in New York.

She wishes this wasn’t happening now. She wishes she’d had the courage to do it before, or that he’d had the courage to do it before. Because if either of them had worked up the nerve, they wouldn’t be sharing their first kiss now, on her last night in Chicago.  

It’s Reese that pulls away first, breathless and dizzy. Rhodes - Connor - looks at her, eyes dazed in a way that tells her he’s feeling the same thing right now. That he’s felt the same thing for a while now. She studies his face in the lamplight, noting the shadows cast by the Molly’s bar sign, the faint curve of his lips that grows the longer he looks at her. She whispers his name, and he tips his head towards his car in silent question. She nods.

Neither of them speaks as they walk to his car, hands somehow tangling together. Both know of the impending goodbye coming, but they remain in silence even once they’ve reached his apartment. As the elevator climbs floors, she thinks that maybe they’re both just too scared to shatter the moment.

As soon as they’re inside his apartment, he pulls her in for another kiss, and this one leaves her head spinning more than before. But she pulls away and places a hand on his chest, escaping just a little as they both look away, breathless. “Sorry,” Connor breathes into the minute space between them, one of his hands still cupping her face.

“Don’t be,” she breathes back, and his hand falls from her face to her waist. He pulls her closer, arms wrapping around her tightly. It’s the first time they’ve hugged like this, but it feels so right that she leans further into it. “This sucks,” she finally says, into the junction of his shoulder and neck.

He gives a wry laugh. “It does,” he acknowledges, “It really does.” He pulls her closer for a moment, resting his chin on top of her head.  “I really wish I’d kissed you sooner.”

“Me too,” Reese confesses. “But we can’t do this right now. I’m leaving tomorrow, Connor.” She hates the flash of pain she sees in his eyes, gone faster than anyone else could have seen. But it’s Connor, and she’s Sarah, and she’s always noticed the little things with him.

“I know,” he says. “And you have to go. I can’t ask you to stay.” He smile ruefully. “I really wish I could, Sarah.” Her first name leaves his lips and it surprises her, how much she likes hearing him say it. Softly, reverently. Like it's the most wonderful thing in the world. 

“So what do we do now?” She asks, dropping her gaze to her feet. Her heart is in her throat, blood rushing in her ears. 

“Well, tomorrow,” he says, lifting her chin so she’s looking at him again. “Tomorrow, I’ll drive you back to your place, and you’ll get your stuff, and I’ll take you to the airport. And then you are going to take care of your dad, and help your mom, and you’re going to be an amazing doctor at the hospital you’re transferring to.”

“But now,” he says after a moment. “What do you want to do?” 

She takes a second to think. But all thoughts go out of her head at his earnest eyes, his earnest smile. “To hell with it,” she says. “Let’s make the most of tonight.”

***

It’s 11  p.m the night before she leaves Chicago, and she’s in Connor’s apartment. He’s opened a bottle of wine, and he’s taking a phone call in his room while she flips through his music collection (because he still has CDs, and an impressive vinyl collection, and that fact is so _Connor_ that she has to smile.) She’s hooked her phone up to his sound system though, and she’s playing music.  

She sips at her glass of wine and settles on the couch. Connor reappears after a moment, but she doesn’t notice him until she looks up to see him lingering in the hallway to his room, watching her with a soft smile on his face. “What?” She asks, suddenly self conscious.

“Dance with me.” She raises an eyebrow dubiously, but Connor simply tugs her to her feet. Reese gives in, and he leads her in a slow dance around his apartment. “James Taylor?” He asks, and she nods, head against his shoulder. “Nice.” The outside world falls away, and it's just Sarah, and Connor, and the safe bubble of his living room. 

He doesn’t let her go when the song ends, and instead keeps her on her for another two, three songs songs and more. She doesn’t mind, because he’s been singing in her ear for the last two, and she doesn’t ever want this night to end. The hours blur by and it’s an ungodly hour of the morning when they fall into bed together.  She’s in borrowed sweats and one of his soft, worn shirts, hair a messy nimbus of curls around her face, but he doesn’t think he’s ever seen anything as beautiful as her.

 When they wake, curled together and limbs impossibly tangled, he doesn't mind at all. 


	2. the goodbye

The morning is different. They don’t linger in bed after she wakes, but instead wander into his kitchen. He didn’t expect that he’d get to see this Sarah - the one dressed in his clothes, sleepy grin on her face as she pads into his living room. The sleeves of his shirt fall past her hands, and he can’t help his grin when she picks up a mug with just the tips of her fingers showing. This version of her, the soft, unguarded one, causes a pang in his chest, because he wants this with her. 

There are words he doesn’t quite know on the tip of his tongue but he bites them back, instead suggesting breakfast. He’s a little relieved when she asks about toast and eggs, because he might have lost his mind if she’d suggested pancakes. She downs more coffee than he thought possible, and they talk lightly over breakfast, laugh while washing dishes, all the while skirting heavy topics. 

Until the dishes are done and it’s just the two of them left standing his kitchen. “What time do you go to work?” Sarah asks, but all he hears is “ _ what time do we have to say goodbye?”  _ and he shakes his head.

“I’m off today,” he answers. “I’ll stick around however long you want me.” There’s a heavy pause. “Speaking of, you need a ride to the airport later?”

“I’d love one.” 

***

An hour later, they’re at her mostly empty apartment. He notes that all the personal effects he thought she would have are gone, and all that’s left are the pieces of furniture. “Do you need someone to take care of all this?” Connor blurts out before he can think. “Put it in storage for you or something?” 

“Yeah, I was going to ask April but I never got the chance,” Sarah answers, emerging from what he assumes was her bedroom. She’s changed into something else, with a backpack slung over one shoulder and a suitcase in the other. She abandons both on the side of the couch before collapsing onto it. “Everything’s packed,” she comments needlessly, before brightening. “One last thing.” She pulls a blanket off the back of the couch. “Mind shipping this to me?” 

“For you, never,” he replies. “Store this, ship that, turn your keys in for you?” Sarah nods. “Consider it done. How long until…?” He trails off. 

“Four hours, give or take,” she answers, looking away. “I’m checked in and everything.”

“Good,” he says, wincing because he has nothing else to say.Silence descends on them, and Connor thinks about something, anything to say. Thankfully, Sarah breaks the silence. “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever said this, but thank you.” 

“For what?” 

“For helping me become a better doctor,” she says, turning to look at him with warm brown eyes. “Don’t get me wrong - everyone at Med has changed me, shaped me in some way. But I’ve thanked all of them. With you, I just never knew how. So, thank you.” 

“You’re welcome,” he says, an automated response. But then he smiles, softly. “If it makes you feel better, I never knew how to talk to you either. Outside of Med, I mean. After you graduated and took up psychiatry, we didn’t really have a reason to. But after Wheeler, after you came back to the ER, it was like this piece had snapped back into place.”

“Having you around made the ER better,” he pauses, wondering why this feels like such a confession. “We’re going to miss you.” She’s smiling sadly now, and he reaches out to brush a curl away from her face. “I’m going to miss you.” 

She curls into him, head resting on his shoulder and it feels like the most natural thing in the world to press a kiss to her hairline. “I’ll miss you, too,” she breathes into his collar. 

This time, the silence wraps them up, but it’s welcome. Minutes tick by but they stay still, almost frozen in place until both their phones chime with a weather alert. Startled, they tangle together before getting up from the couch. “Connor,” she says suddenly, and he turns to her. “Can we- let’s get out of here! I don’t want this to be my last memory of Chicago. I don’t care where we go, what we do, but - “

“I know just the place.”

***

After tossing Sarah’s things into his car, he buys her coffee and they wander around Millennium Park. They people watch from a bench, until Connor finishes his coffee and throws away their cups. When he offers her a hand up, she takes it and doesn’t let go. 

They’re back in the warmth of his car when her phone dings with a text from Maggie. A video. Of April, Natalie, Will, Ethan, Dr. Charles, even Noah and Mrs. Goodwin. Saying how much they’ll miss her, wishing her good luck. It makes her eyes sting, but she blinks the tears away. 

“To the airport it is,” she says, and Connor nods. He keeps their entwined hands on the console, watching her out of the corner of his eye when he should be paying attention to the road. When they finally reach O’Hare, it’s not even a question of him going in with her. He pulls into the parking garage, but he doesn’t shut off the car right away. 

Instead, he sits with her for a few moments while she steels herself. He’s doing the same, and he’s memorizing every inch of her, battling away all the what ifs and maybes. And then, when she breathes in and opens her eyes, they head inside. She checks in her one suitcase, backpack slung over one shoulder and boarding pass in hand. 

They hover by the security lines. She untangles their hands to card her fingers through his hair once, place a hand on his cheek. She’s searching for something as she looks into his eyes. A glimmer of hope, maybe, but he can’t tell if she finds it. He doesn’t want to know. 

“I just - “ Words fail her and Sarah surges forward into him, clinging with all her might. Automatically, Connor’s arms wrap around her, and he hates that this is the time he finds that she fits under his chin, head in the crook of his neck. “I get it,” he tells her, because he knows exactly how she’s feeling. “I know.” 

“God, I’ll miss you,” she says, and Connor pulls back so he can look at her. “This isn’t forever though. I’ll be back someday.” 

“And someday, we can try again,” Connor agrees. “But for now, take care of your family. Follow your passion. You’re a phenomenal doctor, Sarah, and I can’t wait to see what you do.” He pulls her in for one last searing kiss. She clings back even harder, and then, all too soon, pulls away.

They don’t say “I love you”, and they don’t draw out the goodbye any longer. Instead, she whispers the word into his ear, stealing one last half hug, and turns to enter the security line. She doesn’t glance back. 


End file.
